If animals could talk, what would you ask them? Better yet, how awesome would that be? You’ve only seen it happen in movies like Dr. Doolittle, The Zookeeper, The Chronicles of Narnia, and so on. Even though we know that a casual conversation between humans and animals is outside the realm of possibilities, we can only imagine for now.
It’s for that reason that we’ve gone out of our way to compile a list of some of the best questions to ask some common animals if they magically start speaking.
We’ll cover eight animals with four questions for each. Hopefully, they’re questions you’ve always had in mind as well. Bookmark this post – you’ll never know when it might come in handy! With that said, let’s get straight to it, shall we?
“Why on Earth do you kick up dirt after you pee?”
If you have a dog, you’ve probably wondered the same thing for the longest time. It’s a weird phenomenon. Like, is the dog trying to set a boundary of sorts? Of course, there are scientific explanations for it, but boy, wouldn’t it be great if your dog would explain it to you directly?
“What’s the deal with you and sniffing other dogs’ behinds?”
Disgusting behavior, isn’t it? Since my childhood, I’ve noticed this weird behavior, but I’ve never thought about it much until recently.
I’ve always wished for the day when I candidly ask Butch, my German Shepherd, why he does this, and he gives me an actual reason. That’s not happening any time soon, unfortunately.
“You’re afraid of the vacuum cleaner. Why?”
Unless your dog is an alien or was born deaf, it’s naturally afraid of the oh-so-mysterious device and the sounds it makes while in use. It could be something to do with its appearance or even the way that it operates. Unless they tell us, we may never know for sure.
“What are some of your deepest darkest secrets?”
I’ve pluralized ‘secrets’ for a reason. I know that dogs tend to do things behind our backs and hope we don’t notice them. I’m not sure whether to classify their secret side as usual or just plain creepy? Whatever the case, I’d give anything to unearth at least one secret from my dog.
“Why do you consider yourself my master?”
Felines are naturally bossy creatures. They do what they want when they want. Like me, I’m sure you’re probably itching to know why. It doesn’t make sense since you’re kind of like their god.
You wash them, feed them, shelter them, and so on. The least you’d expect from the cat is a show of humility. ‘m I right?
“How does it feel to have a perfect balance?”
I’ve always been envious of cats and their somewhat supernatural ability to stay in position when walking on ledges, rooftops, and other elevated places. How is that? Not having a fear of heights, I mean. This statement is unrelated, but they always land on their legs when they fall and never on their back.
“What’s with the weird noises at night?”
Hands up if you’ve woken up in the middle of the night to chase away those annoying neighborhood cats that make the most annoying noises. I’ve had my run-ins with one of them, and I can’t say that they’ve been my last.
To this day, two of them still fight on my roof while making the weirdest noises. If only they’d tell me why they’ve chosen my roof as their battlefield and not my out-of-town neighbor’s. Sigh!
“Are you ever afraid of dying?”
Do cats have nine lives? Is it true or false? I’d appreciate it if you could let me know if they ever worry about crossing over to the next phase of their life. Do they even know that they’re going to die someday in the first place? If they do, can they sense it before it even happens?
“How does it feel having hands for feet?”
I find it very weird that monkeys have to move around on feet similar to their hands. It kind of makes sense since they also come in handy when jumping from one branch to the other, but still. I’d love to know if they feel the same about us with our tiny toes and long feet.
“Do you really like bananas?”
I don’t know who came up with the theory that all monkeys love bananas. I’m sure they eat a variety of stuff besides bananas, and they enjoy them just as much.
Do they get irritated at the fact that we impose our weird beliefs on them? Do the monkeys in the zoos genuinely love eating the same fruit over and over again?
“Do you plan on taking over our planet someday?”
Yes, this question is inspired by the movie “Planet of the Apes.” I’ve always thought that monkeys might evolve in their thought process and take over our planet one day. I mean, who’s to stop them?
These creatures are almost as intelligent as humans, and they’re capable of taking care of themselves. A yes or no answer from one of them would put my mind at ease.
“What language do you guys speak?”
Even better, who taught them that language? It’s incredible how apes, chimpanzees, baboons, and other species of monkeys can put their messages across to each other without having a translator beside them. I’d also like to know if different species could learn the language of other species or it just comes naturally to them.
“Why do you eat so much?”
Pigs are naturally gluttonous creatures – probably the worst of them. They’ve been like that since time immemorial. It might seem normal to some people, but I’d like to know why they’re that way. Wouldn’t they want to change people’s perception of them from being ‘fat and greedy’ to ‘fit and disciplined?’ I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s thought about this.
“What would you do if you were one of the three little pigs?”
We’re all familiar with the story of the three little pigs – you know, the ones whose house was blown away by a Kryptonian wolf? Well, now try to put your pig in a similar situation. What would they do differently? Would they have been the wolf’s supper that night? I guess we may never know.
“What’s the purpose of your tail?”
Pigs have one of the weirdest tails. Why would they have a short and coiled tail? Does it serve any purpose in particular? It might be cute to some, but it’s a mystery to me. I mean, it wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t have one in the first place.
“How good is your sense of smell?”
You probably know that pigs have the poorest eyesight. Did you know that their smell is five times better? Their huge nostrils on their leathery snout are wide enough to pick up different scents from a distance. If they’d speak, I’d want to know how it feels having to smell, as some would say, in 4k.
“Why do you need to be whipped to get the job done?”
Just think, have you ever seen a donkey that works effectively without any painful motivation? That’s why we probably have the saying ‘as stubborn as an ass.’
I’d want to know why they have to be struck a couple of times before they agree to something. Indeed they can decide to do something without any violence.
“Do you ever feel inferior to horses?”
If you think about it, donkeys are distant relatives of horses. It must suck having to pull carts or get whipped all the time while their classier, more elegant siblings are getting the royal treatment.
Do they ever hate themselves for being inferior to horses? If they could, would they change anything about their miserable lives?
“Is ‘Donkey’ from Shrek a true reflection of your personality?”
Donkey, the animated character from the Shrek movies, is a loud-mouthed, arrogant, and lively creature that never fails to excite. He’s also very loyal and sympathetic when he needs to be.
Although real-life donkeys are far from lively, could they relate with Donkey’s personality, albeit in the tiniest way? Maybe they’re like the character, but we’ve known them to be quiet, innocent, and gentle all along.
“Would you consider switching places with humans?”
That would be interesting, wouldn’t it? They’d do everything we’re doing to them – bad or good. Somewhere in their hearts, I’m sure they’d give anything to switch places with us, even just for a day. I’m sure being a donkey is rough, but they’re probably used to it by now.
“What’s up with that sound you make all the time?”
Sheep have one of the most distinctive sounds of any animal I know. Not only is it unique, but it’s also very (and I mean very) annoying. It might mean something to them, but to us humans, it isn’t significant.
They’re constantly communicating by having to clear their throats all the time. I’ll hold that thought until the day I find one that can converse with me.
“How do you clean yourself?”
Aside from pigs, I consider sheep one of the dirtiest animals out there. Without humans to shear their heavy coats of wool, they’re helpless.
In case you don’t know, sheeps’ wool can grow to the point of obstructing their vision. Imagine all the dirt and bacteria they pick up as their coats grow heavier and heavier.
“Why must you move as a group all the time?”
It’s infrequent to see a sheep moving on its own. I’m yet to meet with one that dances to a different tune or follows a different path.
I know there’s power in numbers and all that, but haven’t they ever considered going their separate ways at least once in their lifetime? If they ever get scattered, can they survive on their own?
“Is being sheared as relaxing as it looks?”
“Without a doubt!” they would probably say. I imagine being sheared as getting that much-needed massage after a long hard day at work. Imagine having to walk around with a heavy coat of wool for days on end. Then, out of nowhere, someone comes and puts you out of your misery by taking it away. I would care less what they were going to do with my wool, to be honest.
“Does it suck having a smirk all the time?”
Crocodiles are one of the fiercest reptiles I know. Being as intense as they are, it’s awkward seeing them smiling all time. They might be dead serious most times, but their facial expression says otherwise.
On the other hand, that smirk can also hint at an incomprehensible, conniving, and mysterious personality.
“Do you have any remorse when you kill a little one?”
It’s probably the stupidest question to ask a beast such as a croc, but one that’s worth the ask. There must be times when they stop and think to themselves like, “she’s just a kid” or “this is someone’s son.”
If they ever have these thoughts, do they ever stop and think about their actions? We might know them as these ruthless and violent creatures, but maybe, deep inside, they have a conscience.
“Are you fast enough to hunt on land?”
Crocodiles are beasts on riverbanks and in water. They’re alpha predators in the right conditions. Suppose they were trapped on land; would their short legs favor their hunting endeavors?
They would probably be the hunted rather than the hunters. I feel like they wouldn’t stand a chance living the rest of their lives on dry land.
“Does it bother you that we use your skin for fashion?”
Those crocodiles in zoos or orphanages often see belts, handbags, or pairs of shoes that look a lot like their skin. They might even smell the skin from a distance and remember their long-lost cousin or uncle or aunt.
Do they hate us for making luxury items from their skin? Better yet, do they ever stop and think to themselves that they may be next?
“Do you consider yourself worthy of the title ‘King of the Jungle?”
There are animals far worthier of this honorable title. How does the mighty ‘King of the Jungle’ run away from an elephant or a pack of hyenas? Humans might place them on pedestals of royalty, but they probably see less of themselves.
“Which big cat do you fear the most?”
The cheetah would be the last on their list of most-feared big cats if they could answer this. The tiger would most likely top the list. Sheer Khan, in my opinion, is more fierce than Mufasa.
The latter’s strength is nothing compared to the former’s. One strike of the lion’s paw can send any animal tumbling down within seconds.
“Who does your hair?”
Do you ever look at a lion’s mane and think to yourself, “Damn, I wish I had that killer hairstyle!” While you spend your hard-earned money on hair sprays and weaves, lions pay nothing to maintain their majestic locks – or do they? There must be a stylist in the animal kingdom, says Mr. Monkey, that combs them and keeps them looking clean and classy. We may never know for sure.
“Do you ever notice the Nat Geo cameramen?”
Lions are one of the few animals I know that respect their privacy. Cross their boundary, and you’re dead meat. On that note, how do they keep up with the pesky cameramen that make reality TV shows out of their daily lives? Is it that they’ve grown used to them, or they’ve run out of ways to get rid of them?
“Is it true that you had legs in the past?”
Have you ever found it weird how snakes are the only animals on Earth that move on their bellies? Well, religious folklore has it that they used to have legs before the great deception. I would want to know for sure from my reptilian friends if they even remember walking on all fours in their past lives.
“Does it feel weird swallowing an animal whole?”
Watching a snake swallow its prey whole is one of the most disgusting things you’ll ever see in your lifetime. They do it so effortlessly and calmly, with no regrets or second thoughts. That bothers me, to be honest. It gets worse when the animal they’re swallowing is a lot bigger than their tiny bodies can handle.
“Why do you hide yourselves inside our homes?”
You haven’t lived till you’ve spotted a snake in your wall or a hole on your ceiling. These creatures can give someone a severe heart attack. Why in the world would they abandon their comfy nests and move in with us rent-free? Are they wizards/witches in the form of snakes? What do they benefit from burrowing themselves at random places in a human’s habitat?