If only your cat could talk, right? That’s what most pet owners secretly wish for. Unfortunately, that’s not possible right now (although, maybe someday in the future!). That said, if your cat really could talk, there are plenty of things I could imagine him saying.
Here’s a list of funny things cats would say – if only they could talk.
- “If I just keep looking cute and cuddly, they’ll probably just blame the dog. Phew!”
- “I confess! I ate the steak!”
- “Since there’s nothing interesting in my food bowl, I think I’ll jump on the kitchen counters and see what I find there.”
- “I haven’t slept for 20 minutes. I can almost feel death haunting me.”
- “You may think I love getting teased, but get any closer, and I’ll rip you to shreds.”
- “I’m standing on your face because it’s time you got up and filled my dinner bowl! I’m hungry.”
- “I’m just gonna keep scratching until you get the message. I want in!!!”
- “If I bring a half-eaten rat to your door, maybe you’ll feed me more often.”
- “Do NOT put me in the bath.”
- “The guy thinks I’m licking him out of affection. I’m licking him because the dude stinks. Jeez, humans can be so freaking naive.”
- “Those sausages you left on the table for lunch? Yeah, well, they’re gone now.”
- “I bet if I rub against her leg a little longer, she’ll remember to show me some attention – and gimme some food.”
- “I wonder how long it will take you to find the pee I just did in your room.”
- “That new pup you brought home? See…I don’t think it’s gonna work out.”
- “Where were you last night?!!?”
- “If I meow enough, maybe they’ll let me out of this cage. It’s gotta be worth a try, right?”
- “I see paper! I see a place to sleep!”
- “So my owner still thinks I trip him by accident.”
- “I love that time of year when humans hang shiny dangly things on trees. It would be rude not to play with them.”
- “The humans threw away the mouse I left outside for them. How ungrateful!”
- “What are you doing in my seat?”
- “I love you. Therefore, I’m going to bite the crap out of you.”
- “I’M OVER HERE! Just in case you forgot.”
- “Errrmm…I didn’t do it.”
- “Stop staring at me in my litter box. A girl deserves some privacy.”
- “I have claws, and I’m NOT afraid to use them.”
- “Oh no. They caught me.”
- “It’s no coincidence that your new boyfriend keeps getting tripped up.”
- “The food in this place SUCKS.”
- “Hey Human! Where did my genitals go???”
- “Let’s make a deal. If you buy me more tuna, I’ll stop pestering the dog.”
- “When I scratch the sofa, it’s me reminding you that I’m HERE.!”
- “You don’t need to shower me. I can do a better job myself.”
- “Haven’t you heard of alone time?”
- “You love rubbing my belly. I love stealing your food. We’ve all gotta have hobbies.”
- “Don’t look at me. It was the dog.”
- “It’s NAP TIME!”
- “You didn’t need to buy me that scratch post. Your sofa will do.”
- “Let me go outside, so I can scratch to come back in.”
- “Hey dude, you need a shower.”
- “What’s that wet, slippery stuff in the bathtub? It’s absolutely terrifying!”
- “Stop dressing me in silly clothing. I am NOT amused.”
- “What’s that smelly thing they’ve brought into the house? It looks like me, but bigger, louder, and dumber.”
- “Yep, I’m ignoring you.”
- “Your house is like one big playground. There’s so much to scratch, climb up, and pounce on.”
- “Please don’t try turning me vegan. It’ll never work.”
- “Me walking over your keyboard is me trying to say: spend time with me.”
- “When I knock things over, it’s because I’m bored and need your attention.”
- “Yep, I farted. Deal with it.”
- “It’s me…or the dog.”
- “You got some more catnip? Keep it on the down low.”
- “I just feel like slapping you with my tail, don’t take it personally”
- “What’s on the menu tonight”
- “I can barely fit into this cardboard box, do you have one size up?”
- “The laptop is so warm and snuggly”
- “You missed a spot (While you’re picking up poo from the litterbox)”.
- “Morning, Its 5am and I want brekkies”
- “Feed me poo face”
- “You are one of the most ugly looking cats I have ever seen”
