I’m sure every dog owner on the planet has wanted to ask their dog what’s with all the weird behavior. Let’s be honest, dogs can get up to some really funny stuff that leaves humans scratching their heads in either amazement or complete puzzlement.
Even if you don’t own a dog, a short stroll through your neighborhood park could leave you with more questions than you could possibly find answers to.
Thankfully, we’ve compiled the top 16 questions we have always wanted to ask a dog, just in case one of you readers turns into Dr. Dolittle and can help us out.
1. Why Do You Never Bring Me The Ball After I Throw It?
This question is not meant for those super disciplined, high drive dogs like Malinois, Collies, or Shepherds. We all know they understand ball throwing physics entirely and will always return whatever it is you threw with the highest level of enthusiasm.
The question is aimed more at the dogs who commit to playing only the first half of fetch. My mom’s Yorkie will regularly grab her nearest ball, drop it at my feet, bark like a mad thing, and then run about halfway towards where it landed after I threw it.
She won’t, however, pick it up or bring it back to me. Somewhere along her ball chasing expedition, she decides it’s not worth it and returns to throw a tantrum on the carpet, upset that her own laziness got in her way.
I would love to know what is the root of this behavior. I mean, why bring me the ball and bark until I throw it, only to ignore it and succumb to a hissy fit?
I’ve scoured the internet and not found a single reasonable explanation for this behavior, so if any of you are related to the Dolittles or know a dog whisperer, could you help a girl out?
2. Why Do You Like To Bother Me When I’m Relaxing?
Have you ever noticed your dogs only want attention when you finally lean back on your couch or decide to take a nap? It’s as if they know exactly when their attention-seeking will be most annoying and make full use of the fact.
Some dogs will ignore you all day while you’re working or cleaning, only to leap onto your lap as soon as you decide to take a break.
Perhaps they’re simply smart enough to know when you are available for cuddles, or maybe their life mission is to make sure you don’t have a moment’s peace while they are awake.
3. Why Do You Get An Attitude When I’m Busy On My Phone?
Again, this behavior depends heavily on your pet’s breed and personality. Despite this, I’m sure many dog owners have experienced this exact occurrence. You take a call or send a text, and immediately your dog is on your lap or barking to get your attention.
At this point, I’m sure we can say dogs are as addicted to attention as toddlers or cats. They seem to know precisely when it is the absolute worst time to be a nuisance, and then it’s all systems go.
My mom’s dog goes as far as to push himself in between her face and her phone, sniffing gently at her nose until she puts the electronics down. He’s even smart enough to know if he interrupts her with enough cuteness, she won’t be mad or say a word about it.
Yes, dogs may be sweet, but they’re sure as hell cunning too.
4. What’s With All The Butt-Sniffing?
I’m sure we’ve all wondered about this one. Yes, we get it’s their way of greeting or identifying each other, but with all the scent detection abilities afforded dogs, wouldn’t they be able to achieve all these things by, I don’t know, sniffing each other’s ears?
Why the butt?
The truth is slightly gross and wholly intriguing. Dogs have two anal sacs (yes, so tastefully named) that secrete pheromones and scent molecules that give other dogs a sort of biological biography.
This Eau de Dog, if you will, can provide them with information about everything from what they ate that morning to whether or not they’re feeling particularly happy that day.
So, despite the relatively gross nature of butt sniffing, dogs actually do gain essential information from the action.
It makes me thankful humans have comparatively dismal senses of smell.
5. Do You Really Hate Cats?
I’m sure most people know not all dogs hate cats. However, spend enough time around different canines, and you’ll soon discover some really do detest the sight of them.
So, is this re-enactment of a Tom and Jerry episode, or is there any real reason for dogs to hate cats so completely?
The truth is, most dogs don’t actually hate cats. It’s simply their natural instinct to chase animals that are smaller than they are. This means, no matter how sweet the kitty, if the dog listens to its instincts, it’s going to go for the kill or at least scare the poor thing out of its wits.
6. What Did Birds Do To Wrong You?
Alright, I know this question seems obvious, but knowing how intelligent and audacious birds are, I can’t help wonder if some or other ancient canary one day decided it would be a good idea to piss a dog off, and the bird hatred spread from generation to generation thereafter.
Unlike many other animals dogs chase, a bird may really just be minding its own business when it suddenly becomes public enemy number one and the target of every dog in the area’s full, dribbling attention.
Unfortunately for birds, science declares they are victims of injustice and that dogs simply chase them for no greater reason than hunting other animals being their natural instinct.
7. When Did You Develop Your Stinky Shoe Appetite?
You can provide some dogs with the most expensive, engaging toys on the market, and they will still go for the stinky shoes at the back of your closet. Why?
It could be they’re lazy and look for the closest chewable thing, which is always going to be a pair of shoes lying around near the couch or door. Or, your dog sees your shoes as a makeshift butt, keeping a record of everywhere you went that day and what you did. Chewing on it is their way of learning about all your adventures and the walks you never took them on.
8. What Can You Detect In Another Dog’s Pee?
We all know most dogs love marking their territory, but what can other dogs pick up from the pee left on trees or bushes?
Well, they most likely use their urine as a way of asserting their dominance and letting everyone else know that another dog has claimed this bush, hydrant, pole, or wall as its own. There are powerful scent markers in a dog’s urine, and that is most likely what your dog smells in the pee left behind by other puppers.
Your dog may even choose to urinate over another dog’s mark, effectively proving him or herself superior to the others.
9. How Did You Become So Scared Of Having Your Nails Clipped?
If you’ve ever had to clip a dog’s nails, you know how dramatic an ordeal the process can be. The howling, the whining, the constant shaking, and big sad eyes it’s almost too much to bear.
Even if you’ve never knowingly hurt your while clipping its nails, there’s a good chance the process is still a little painful or uncomfortable. If you’ve ever cut even a little too close their nails’ quick, most dogs immediately associate the pain with the nail clippers and will always react badly to the process, no matter how much you try to calm them or reward them afterward.
10. Why Are You Always Digging Holes In My Garden?
You’ve just spent all day tidying your garden, planting gorgeous flowers, and carefully tending to your lawn, only to find your dog has gone and dug craters throughout your prized flower beds and likely rolled around in the dirt too.
Why? Why must dogs dig holes for seemingly no reason? I mean, we could understand if they had toys or bones to bury, but in most cases, they simply seem to take pleasure in their owner’s despair.
The answer to this question is actually more complex than you may expect. Dogs dig holes in the ground for a greater purpose than being annoying or hiding their stuff. They may do it because they’re feeling hot. The cool earth they overturn is perfect for being rolled in and lowering their body temperature on sweltering days.
They could also be digging to create an escape route out of your garden, especially if there are other dogs nearby or your pup is wildly energetic and easily gets bored.
11. What’s With The Tail-Chasing?
We have to admit, tail chasing is incredibly cute, but it does make some people wonder if they haven’t perhaps adopted a particularly slow puppy.
Rest assured, your pet isn’t dumb, simply curious. Most puppies will chase their tails as a way of exploring their anatomy. Unlike humans, they can’t make the connection that if other dogs have tails, they will probably have them too and may always be surprised when first discovering a long, wagging thing sticking out of their butt.
In the case of adult dogs, most will chase their tails when they’re feeling bored or have a sudden energy boost that propels them to do something wild and active.
12. What Do Zoomies Feel Like?
Has your dog ever started sprinting around the house or garden for no apparent reason? Does giving your pup a bath make it act like it’s on drugs for no apparent reason? Congratulations, you’ve witnessed zoomies, a completely causeless expulsion of energy by a dog who suddenly feels like its only purpose is to run, spin, and jump.
Most dogs get zoomies when they’re feeling extra energized or happy, so they are usually nothing to worry about, and, in answer to the question, it may be safe to assume that zoomies feel amazing.
13. Why Do You Drink From The Toilet?
Alright, here’s the first of the two grossest questions on the list. Why, if you have loads of fresh water, would you ever drink from the toilet bowl?
The answer makes sense, although it doesn’t make it any less disgusting.
Toilet bowl water is cooler and more refreshing to dogs. Sure, their water bowls may be full, but how often is the water in them changed? Maybe once every few days.
The water in the toilet is constantly being changed and is often much colder than their other water sources, making the prospect of sipping from the loo seem very attractive even though it may send humans hurling.
14. Why Does Your One Leg Wiggle Whenever I Scratch Your Belly?
You know you’ve found the right spot to scratch when your dog’s hind leg goes into a spasm-like shaking episode. Even though your pup seems to enjoy it, you may be wondering why it happens.
The reality is the spot you are scratching is likely the location of a group of nerves that activate your pet’s scratch reflex.
Scratching the spot starts up an involuntary reaction in your dog’s limbs to try to remove the thing causing the response, which is why it often looks like your dog is scratching the air with its foot. It’s a reflex developed to remove fleas or other parasites walking across their bodies and, although it wasn’t meant as a spot for humans to scratch, most dogs don’t seem to mind.
15. Why Do You Eat Your Own Puke?
Ah yes, our penultimate grossest question.
We all know it’s true because most of us have witnessed it with varying levels of horror and disgust. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s no scientific reason for your dog eating its own vomit. They just really like the taste and smell.
Instead of finding their regurgitations vile, they just see it as food that shouldn’t go to waste.
I’ll stop my answer to this question here before I, too, involuntarily bring up my breakfast.
16. Why Do You Lick Your Feet So Much?
Dogs often lick their feet while they’re relaxing on the couch or bed, and it’s gotten many people wondering. Are they trying to clean them? Is there something wrong? Or have they just been spending too much time with cats?
The answer is yes.
Dogs will lick their feet because they’re trying to clean them or rid them of parasites. They’ll cover their paws in slobber if they have any injuries or skin problems on the soft pads beneath their feet. They’ll also do it out of boredom or stress, or simply because they saw a cat doing it too.
Usually, feet licking shouldn’t be a reason to panic. Still, if your dog spends an unusually long time doing it, you may need to consider visiting the vet to check for any underlying allergies, diseases, or cuts.