Many women will eventually fall into one of two groups – the soccer moms or the dog moms. To be honest, they have a lot in common. Both have bumper stickers either lauding their titles or sporting a cringe-worthy, ‘My child is better than yours,’ logo. They both also have to deal with loud, disobedient creatures who are naturally hell-bent on creating chaos wherever they go.
Yes, I get it. Looking after dogs can at times feel like looking after kids. You have to clean up their poop, feed them, and sometimes they respond to whichever one-worded command you fling their way. However, just because the most common word coming from both soccer moms’ and dog owners’ mouths is “No!” doesn’t mean they are playing the same role.
The dog mom cringe is real, and if you want to know the top 11 reasons dog moms are annoying, read on.
1. Owning a Dog is Their Only Personality Trait
We’ve all experienced it. Self-professed dog moms and vegans have a lot of stereotypes in common. The main one being everyone has to be reminded what they are as often as possible. There is nothing more annoying than having a conversation where every second sentence starts with, “As a dog mom,” or some derivative of it.
It’s almost impressive to discover a conversation of local politics can somehow have a link to your dog not waking up before 10am.
These pet parents spend hours online taking dog mom personality quizzes and then extolling their virtues to you at every opportunity. We get it, your dog is your life, but please don’t let owning a dog become your personality too.
2. They Equate Their Dogs With Having Kids
.To avoid the apparently demeaning term dog ‘owner,’ which implies a dog is someone’s property and not a member of the family, many people have turned to call themselves dog moms and their pets their fur babies.
At first, it seems like a cute way of referring to yourself when talking about your pets. The issue comes in when dog moms begin to believe their dogs truly are their children. Suddenly, they want to celebrate Mother’s Day because they have dogs, or they want to provide advice on raising your children because they are ‘just as much a mother as anyone else.’
The truth is no, taking care of a dog does not make you its mother. It also doesn’t give you the right to call yourself a mom around people who are raising actual children.
One Quora user, JL van Dijk, recalled a colleague losing her pet. A week later another colleague’s son died, and naturally, the workplace provided group counseling.
“Throughout both sessions, Mary took every opportunity to talk about her own loss, saying, ‘When Fluffy died…’ Every time Mary said that, it brought the conversation to a complete standstill. I was shocked, and still remember it vividly after more than two decades. I understand that pet owners love their pets, but it seemed grossly insensitive to compare the loss of a living, talking human being to an animal.”
People and humans are not the same, so stop calling yourself a dog mom. It is hurtful to people who have to experience being a parent and then have their difficulties and stories equated with that time your dog was stung by a bee and you ‘almost died.’
3. They Force You to Look at All The Pictures of Their Dogs
Let’s be honest, one picture of your golden retriever is probably enough for me to say, “Oh, how sweet!” A 90-page PowerPoint presentation with supporting commentary? I’d rather not.
Dog moms expect everyone around them to be just as obsessed with their pets and force themselves and their pooches down on even the most uninterested bystanders.
If we don’t ask for it, keep the hour-long slideshow of Tinkles for the next time you met up with fellow dog parents.
4. They Believe They Have Conversations With Their Dogs
From personal experience, there is nothing more annoying than the so-called dog moms trying to convince the rest of us their dogs can communicate with them.
Of course, dogs can be taught to follow directions, pick up body language cues, and understand their owners’ moods. They can’t, however, look you deep in the eyes and tell you they really don’t like the jacket they’re wearing because it’s the wrong shade of yellow.
Don’t treat your dog like a toddler and have an hour-long conversation about it being bad manners to pee against the curtains. I promise you they don’t understand. Even the most intelligent working dogs in the world are trained on one, two, or maybe three-word commands.
5. They Call Their Dogs And Kids Brothers and Sisters
If you have ever shared a house with a dog as a child or teenager, you probably agree there’s nothing weirder than someone calling the family pet your brother or sister. It’s incredibly embarrassing to have your mom tell your dog to go sit with his siblings and then bring him over to you in front of guests. One Redditor recalls absolutely hating the term as a child, and still despising it as an adult. It’s dehumanizing to children to be equated with dogs.
Regardless of that, the secondhand embarrassment onlookers experience from this is horrid too. Just because you think your dog is good enough to be grouped with your real children doesn’t mean you should pressure your kids into feeling that way as well.
If you call yourself a dog mom, at least don’t force your kids to be your pet’s brother or sister.
6. They Don’t Understand They Simply Fell For A Marketing Gimmick
The reality is pet humanization is becoming a trend. A multi-billion-dollar trend that is allowing businesses to profit off of selling clothes, costumes, jewelry, and gourmet dog food. It’s gone so far as to create dog strollers that aren’t just cringe-inducing, they’re of no benefit to most dogs at all. Dogs are taken on walks for exercise, not to be pushed around in a stroller, and treated like a human baby who actually cannot walk by itself.
Dog mom culture has provided consumer goods manufacturers the ability to tap into a whole population of women who treat their dogs better than they do their children. They encourage humanizing your pets because they have realized that animals treated like humans need special food, grooming products, toys, and the like.
Most of these companies target middle to high-class families with their ads and trust in the women who place their dogs on a pedestal to be their best customers. The unfortunate reality is these women don’t realize the spreading popularity of being a dog mom isn’t so much a positive change in pet welfare, but a very clever marketing gimmick they swallowed hook, line, and sinker.
7. They Kiss Their Dogs On The Mouth
We all know of at least one dog owner who seems to enjoy kissing their dogs on the mouth. In fact, a survey by Riley’s Organics found 61% of dog owners do so on a regular basis.
First of all, ew. Secondly, would you ever make out with someone who brushes their teeth maybe once every few weeks, regularly licks their own butt, and doesn’t mind eating a week-old piece of pizza from the sidewalk? I didn’t think so. Yet, getting up close and personal with their dog’s saliva-coated lips seems to be a dog mom’s greatest joy.
Not only is it a gross habit, but it’s dangerous to your health too. A study conducted by Dr. Adele Dickson found that a dog’s saliva could transfer antibiotic-resistant bacteria to humans by licking their face, mouth, or even open cuts.
So no, Silvia who regularly lets her bulldog slobber her with kisses, it’s not cute, it makes me sick to my stomach, and it’s probably going to make you a whole other type of sick as well.
8. Some Try Pass Their Pets Off As Service Animals
Just because the term ‘dog mom’ makes me want to shudder with second-hand embarrassment, doesn’t mean I don’t love dogs. Well-trained, friendly dogs are a joy to be around. In fact, I have very little issue with any dog in general. It’s their owners that rub me up the wrong way.
Case in point, many self-proclaimed dog moms who suffer from separation anxiety have tried to pass them off as emotional support animals. This has been attempted everywhere from malls to airports, with many going so far as to try to get their dog on a plane for free under the guise that their miniature poodle wearing hot pink booties is actually a trained service dog.
This isn’t only annoying to airline staff, but detrimental to people who have actual, trained service dogs, but have to go through extensive scrutiny just to get them on a plane. In one case, a woman was denied bringing her small dog, trained to detect panic attacks, on a JetBlue flight because the air hostess was so used to people trying to get their pets on board using the same old trick.
These dog moms’ obsession with treating their dogs like humans, and trying to beat the system to let them live like people, make life hell for those who actually need their dogs to survive.
9. Their Dogs Can Do No Wrong
No matter how many times your friend’s dog has peed on your carpet when they come around to visit, she simply says “Oh, poor Milo, he probably couldn’t hold it anymore!”
No, Alison, you didn’t train him properly. Poor little Milo can do no wrong in your eyes and it is annoying the life out of everyone you call on.
Dog moms can find no fault with their dogs and will call you out if you even so much as raise your voice at them for humping your leg, peeing on the carpet, or stealing food from the table. Do us all a favor, if you see yourself as your dog’s mom at least discipline them as you would a child. Undisciplined dogs are about as annoying as a child who has never been told no in its life.
10. They Use Strollers
Don’t get me wrong, dog strollers are amazing inventions to help your disabled or elderly dog get some fresh air and have fun.
However, dog strollers for healthy dogs? Drop the baby fetish and let your dog be a dog. Believe it or not, they actually need exercise. They very much like exercise. It’s almost as if dogs enjoy going on walks.
Putting your healthy, two-year-old border collie in a stroller is not only weird, but it beats the point of taking them out in the first place.
Please, put an end to the dog mom cringe and let your dog act like one. It’s not your baby, and it shouldn’t be treated like one.
11. They Truly Believe They Are Mothers
The strollers, the dressing-up, the incessant belief that their dog is above reproach, all make dog moms incredibly annoying. However, nothing does this more than these dog moms insisting they really are moms and should be treated as such.
If you so much as bring up the fact that they aren’t real parents, they give you a death stare and immediately launch into a list of reasons why caring for dogs and humans are ‘exactly the same.’
Unless you’re talking to someone who regularly walks their toddler on a leash, feeds them the exact same food every day, and breeds their kids to sell the babies for money, don’t call yourself a mom.
It’s not the same thing, and many real moms agree.